Ed, The Golden Child
by MissFitt
Summary: Why does Ed always act so strange? Is he stupid? lazy? Out to irritate everyone? NO! He's blessed by the angels!


a fanfic based on the Cartoon Network's Ed, Edd and Eddy.  
  
Ed, The Golden Child  
  
The three angels stared into the glass seperating the hall from the little room with all the newborn babies, their pink and blue hats dotting the otherwise white room with joyous little announcements of being born girls and boys. Unaware of the heavenly creatures beside them, couples and two distraught-looking teenage girls in bathrobes looked on at the new babies they had brought into the world. The coos and light laughter of the assembled crowd were punctuated by random comments and cries of, "Oh, how adorable! Look at that face! What an angel!" Causing the three angels to snicker a bit.  
  
The angels, a trio of lovely, blonde, female creatures too beautiful for this world to comprehend, were focused on one child in the ward, as well as on his parents. Mr. and Mrs. Nipcheese looked on at their newborn son, Edmund, to be called Ed, for short. They found it rather funny that in the cul-de-sac they lived in, two other couples had recently given birth within weeks of each other, both to boys. What was very odd was the fact that the Garcias had named their son Eduardo, to be called Eddy, and the O'Flannigan's son was named Edward, to be called Edd. They all naturally assumed that their children would grow up together, and they all had dreams of a quiet suburban life.  
  
Edmund Nipcheese didn't seem at all interested in the chatter and goofy faces that all the big people behind the glass were making about him and the rest of the infants, but that's not to say he was oblivious. He was extremely focused for a newborn, but focused on what, nobody seemed sure. He had managed to flip himself over onto his stomach, and although no one could believe it, or would ever admit to seeing it later on, he was shaking his bottom, wiggling like a cat ready to pounce. He wasn't crying or screaming like many of the other babies, but rather he seemed to be laughing, a strange, high-pitched guffaw that sounded like an infant, yet at the same time, almost like a strung out teenager. This highly unusual behavior drew it's share of comments from nurses and even from the parents of other babies. It also recieved the attention from the angels, who happened to be named Jane, Jayne, and Janie. They knew this little boy, this precious child, who had now managed to yank off his knitted blue cap and shove it almost completely in his mouth, would be the one to recieve the gifts.  
  
"He is the one we have been waiting for these past hundred years. He is the Golden Child of the Century!" Janie said to her fellow angels, sounding absolutely resolved. "He will go on to make so much of the gifts we are to bestow, I can feel it in my heart."  
  
"But he's not a very cute baby. He has almost no chin, so he looks slack-jawed, and look at that monobrow he inherited from his mother!" Jane remarked. She was the shallow one of the group. "Can't we bless that little girl over there? She has such pretty blonde hair!"  
  
Jayne sighed, exasperated. "You know the rules, Jane. It was a girl last time, now it's a boy's turn. We must alternate boy-girl for our blessings, to be fair."  
  
Jane knew, she just wanted to see how much she could get away with. Ed would be the Golden Child, blessed with the traits of honesty, creativity, and the ability to see beyond what is visible to others, to see a higher truth in even the most mundane activities. With these traits came a down side, a life of being misunderstood by many people, but the angels were superb judges of character, and they knew Ed would rise to the challenge. He was already a very different child, and no matter what, he would never fully fit in with even his closest friends.  
  
One by one, the angels phased through the glass, invisible to all except Ed, who took notice of them right away. His bewildered gaze up towards the angels, and the primitave drip of drool from the corner of his mouth didn't even make the angels think twice about this. First Jane touched her fingertips to Ed's wide forehead, and spoke, "May you always speak a view that is sincere and true."  
  
Jayne went next, reciting, "May you always express thoughts from other realms of pondering, and never lose touch of this wonderous universe."  
  
Finally, Janie reached to the boy, who had flipped himself back over and was sucking happily on his foot. "May your mind always reach for a higher idea, a new trail to follow to every conclusion."  
  
Fast forward Thirteen years  
  
Sarah was mad. Her face began to turn an even deeper red than her hair, and Ed knew a scream was bubbling up inside her right now. He didn't mean to knock over the kitchen table. He was so excited about the new baby chicks at Rolf's house that he rushed into the kitchen for breakfast, saw the big plate of buttered toast on the table, and lost all control. What a great day! He thought to himself. I'm going to see new chicks, and Mom made buttered toast! Ed was on top of the world, but the way he expressed it involved diving onto the table and exclaiming, "Buttered toast for Ed! Yum! Yum! Yum!"  
  
The result was the toppling of the table, drenching Sarah in milk spilled from her cereal bowl. Ed knew that his nine-year-old sister was not a morning person, and that he had to get out of there before she pummeled him again. He bolted for the door, heading down the walkway to the sidewalk, leaving Sarah yelling after him, "Ed! I'm telling MOM!"  
  
Normally, the threat of being told on scared the bejesus out of Ed, but he was in such a good mood today, he would worry about Sarah later, and he decided to keep going on his merry way. When Ed ran, his feet took over his body, and his arms trailed behind him. He found it very fun to run like this. He felt like a ribbon in the breeze, and it made him laugh his usual guffaw. "Ga-huh huh! Ga-huh huh huh!' Even when he had no idea where he was headed, just the journey to get there was worth it all.  
  
This morning, however, he had a place to go. He was going to see Rolf's baby chicks, and he was so thrilled. Chickens were very special to Ed. They were just like him in many ways. They were always eating, or looking for things to eat, they tended to get overexcited sometimes, and no really knows what chickens are thinking, just like they never quite knew what went on in Ed's head. As he approached Rolf's house, the largest one in the cul-de-sac, on the largest section of land, Ed could hear the collective clucking of the chickens, and he ran faster.  
  
Rolf stood in the center of the flock of pecking, scratching birds, tossing seed from a burlap sack, watching the plump little hens and strutting roosters eat and calling out to his pig, Wilfred, on the other side of the lawn, who was squealing and snorting louder than usual. "What, Wifred!? Your bellows are louder than Nana's congested snoring on a rainy night! I will pour the daily slop for you in just a moment!"  
  
Ed burst out of no where, scaring the heck out of the chickens and Rolf. "Are the chicks available for interviews?" Ed bounced from one foot to the other, his excitement barely controllable.  
  
Rolf blinked. He never understood this strange, large Ed-boy. Eddy was greedy, Edd (or Double D to most of the cul-de-sac) was the smart one, but this square-peg-in-a-round-hole Ed-boy was puzzling. Still, Rolf knew Ed never meant any harm, so he just accepted the weirdness with a grain of wheat, as his Nana always taught him to, even though no one ever seemed to understand what she meant by that. "I don't believe they are answering questions, large-eyebrowed-Ed-Boy, but you may see them. They are all around the yard, imitating their fat hen mamas."  
  
Ed looked around, realizing that the little yellow tufts of down were indeed all over the fenced-in yard. They were old enough now to accompany the other chickens in the yard, but still little enough to be heart- wrenchingly adorable, their tiny, sunshine-colored bodies bouncing around on thin, pink legs. Ed was enraptured, and immediately followed a small assembly of them into the grassier area of the yard, plopping down on the ground to look them eye to eye. "Cheep! Cheep! Cheep!" he mimicked them, and they stopped their frantic wanderings to study this new visitor.  
  
They kept a distance at first, unsure of him, but Ed had a rapport with animals. His innocent, dazed face won their trust. One at a time, the chicks walked closer to him, pecking at the excess seed that stuck to his hands, sleeves and pant legs when he lowered himself to the ground. Soon, more chicks came over to him, then the older hens and roosters joined in. Eventually, they were swarming him, and Ed disappeared under a pile of beaks and feathers. His joy was overwhelming. Ed and the chickens were connecting, and Ed had never felt so alive!  
  
His paradise was intruded upon by Eddy and Double D, who had arrived at Rolf's looking for Ed. "Hey, Lumpy!" Eddy called, using the nickname he thrust on Ed when they were eight,"I have a new plan that we need your help with! Soon, we'll be drowning in the sweet, heavenly flavor of jawbreakers!"  
  
Ed looked up at Eddy and his lower lip began to tremble. "But the chickens are good for Ed! We can scam later!" Ed didn't want to leave the yard yet, and besides, Eddy always got mad at him when he tried to help carry out the scams.  
  
"Perhaps it would be best to let Ed continue...um, whatever it is he's doing, I'm sure the two of us could manage this little charade you've cooked up," Double D said, fumbling with his pocket calculator, trying to figure out exactly how much rope would be needed to create a giant spiderweb across the cul-de-sac, which would hopefully scare the daylights out of all the kids and their ruse of playing exterminators would be successful. This was obviously one of Eddy's worst ideas yet, but Double D went along with it, mostly because he had nothing else to do, and it was better than hanging around the house, searching for any parental sticky notes he may have overlooked.  
  
Eddy's forehead furrowed angrily, and he sighed, exasperated, "FINE! Let's just get started, but Ed better not want in on the motherload of jawbreakers we get from this brilliant plan!"  
  
As they scampered out of the yard, back out to the center of the cul- de-sac, Double D mumbled under his breath, making sure Eddy couldnt hear what he said, as it was rather rude, and he believed in scrupulous politeness, "I doubt that will be an issue, with this hare-brained scheme."  
  
"What was that?" Eddy spun around to face him. Double D sputtered, horrible liar he was.  
  
"Uh...em, nothing Eddy!" Silently he wondered, How do I get myself into this?  
  
Ed remained in the yard with the chickens all day, imitating them and studying the colors and textures of their feathers. He loved them so much, especially the pure white ones with their crimson waddles and shiny black eyes. Rolf continued about his daily chores, keeping an eye on Ed. Rolf loved his chickens too, but he was shocked at Ed's natural connection with them. It reminded him of being back in the old country. From the stories he had been told by Nano and Nana, there was a legendary idiot of Rolf's village who was similar in mannerisms to this Ed-boy, babbling about things that meant nothing to anyone else, or was not on topic of conversations being held around him. There was talk amoung some of the villagers that the idiot wasn't quite as stupid as he seemed, but rather was blessed by angels, and simple humans could not understand these gifts. Unfortunately, the idiot was killed by frustrated fish-mongers who were tired of him loitering around their stands and smelling their wares with this content look on his face and scaring away customers. Rolf hoped such a fate would not occur with this strange Ed.  
  
As the morning turned to afternoon, Rolf decided to take a break from his work and invite Ed in for a lunch of eel pie and capers with crab juice. He called for the Ed boy, and when he didn't respond, he went out to the yard to search for him. He found Ed off in the corner of the yard, in the taller grass leaning against the fencepost, a chicken curled up in his lap, napping like a kitten. Beside him was what from a distance appeared to be a clump of wet dirt, but as Rolf approached, he saw it was a mini- sculpture of a chicken, and a very good one at that, given the medium with which it was made. "Ed-boy, come inside from the harshness of the sun and itchy-bugs of the grass, we will feast and share merriment, yes?"  
  
Ed shushed him. "Quiet, Rolf!" he whispered. "The chicken is sawing logs."  
  
Rolf pointed to the scupture. "Is this your work of art, head- scratcher Ed-boy? If it is, I think I have stumbled into a universe of alteration, as only a genius could capture the essence of the mighty barnyard chicken!"  
  
Ed looked at the little thing he created, wondering what the big deal was. "Oh, that? I love chickens, Rolf. I love to make them too!"  
  
Simply shaking his head, Rolf decided not to further pursue the subject. "Whatever you say. If you wish, come inside when you are done coddling the cock in your lap." And with that, he walked back to the house.  
  
Fast forward another thirteen years  
  
The Peach Creek Gallery was having a new exibition today, devoted soley to the most sucessful artist to ever come out of that area. Edmund N., Ed to his friends was generating buzz from all over the art world for his surreal paintings and sculptures depicting chickens, or as he called them, "the Gurus with feathers". To some, his work was disturbing, roosters floating through space tearing open gruesome aliens with their razor sharp beaks, their black eyes blazing a righteous fury, fluffy little silky chickens laying eggs twice the size of their bodies. All his work was random and open to a million different interpretations, none of which gave the viewer an sense of certainty, which was definitely scary, but their technical mastery and use of lighting and shadow was beyond reproach.  
  
This opening today was a homecoming of sorts, a chance for everyone Ed had known all his life to see he wasn't just a lost cause, a nutcase who would spend his whole life in his parents basement reading Evil Tim comics and wallowing in his own filth of pizza crusts and dust bunnies. He had created something that people loved, that entertained and inspired them, opened dialouges and communication between people who wouldn't ordinarily talk to each other. The angels were wise in choosing Ed to bestow their gifts upon. No one knew it, but the angels had always watched over Ed, and saw him now, standing unnoticed in the back of the gallery, proud that their Golden Child had been a good bet.  
  
Looking out at the crowd in the gallery, the art critics, afficianados and all his old friends from the cul-de-sac. Eddy, owner of the less-than-honest Honest Eddy's Used Car Lot, stood beside his wife Naz, holding their four- month-old baby as she sucked down the free martinis and made eyes at Kevin, who stood alone in his tacky blazer and jeans. Double D, who was currently working on a top secret project with NASA, stood chatting with Johnny, Jimmy and Sarah. Johnny and Jimmy had finally admitted their love for each other, and Johnny was no longer lonely and Plank had long since parted ways with him, leaving only a sliver of wood that he wore on a chain around his neck. Sarah was leaving in two weeks for Europe with a new modeling contract and a movie deal in the works. The only one missing from the gathering was Rolf, who had given in to his homesickness and returned to the old country, settling into the life of a shephard, the life he had always dreamed of, filled with simple pleasures, away from the soul stealing burdens of electricity, indoor plumbing and water that is not riddled with vermin.  
  
They had all grown up now. Their carefree days of scams and games and jawbreakers had faded into the next phases of life, high school, college for some, marriage and family and love. Nothing was like it was years ago, or ever would be again, but somehow, the relationships they had as children evolved into more adult ones, but were essentially the same. Ed drew his inspiration from the millions of stories of the cul-de-sac, his mind a meticulously ordered file of information he absorbed, twisted into abstract thoughts and surreal images, and expressed through his art, all with the common theme of his great love, chickens. All in all, it wasn't a bad way for life to turn out, and finally, he had found his niche.  
  
The owner of the gallery stepped up to the podium and began to speak into the microphone, introducing Ed and his new display of work. Taking a deep breath and smiling happily, Ed grasped and pulled the gold cord attached to the white sheets covering the wall holding his paintings, and a gallery attendant unveiled the two sculptures that were also part of the show. A burst of applause rose fromt eh assembled audience. The exibition had begun. 


End file.
